Saturday, April 30, 2005
Yo Guys.. Welcome to my MessEd Up BLog !
just made it today..
haha... nice right ?
anyway.. i managed to get the song and picts up..
But i still need some suggestions on wat to post on my Layout page...
gimme some suggestions at the Talk Talk shoutbox plz =D
Thanks...
All these songs and picts, all are somehow or rather related to my life.. so..try to keep ur comments to urself.. >.<
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
actually wat was i crying for ? i don really remember... ahh.. think it's partly bout lichin, jun heng, bendy, ros and mostly me.... wat a GAY am i.. fancy me crying for soo many ppl... haha.... i feel better already.... thx guys...
Maybe it's time i did some real thinking bout my life...
things about my life,
my love life,
my school life,
my life with friends,
my church life...
my mind is in a whirl now... i cant really think of anything...
True that i got a good perfect gal in my eyes...
but... she seems to keep somethings from me..
i wanna say some things here.. but my heart simply wont allow it to come out......
guess this is something i will keep in my heart and cry alone, hugging my pillow and under my comforter...
i've got alot of problems myself and i cant tell u.. cos u yourself have got alot of problems with ur friends as well...
i'm sorry... i really hafta be alone for 2-3 days...
F#@$! y am i crying now.....
my school life, wats it gonna be like ?
i miss my secondary school life..
being with friends and going out with them daily..
Bendy, Vincent, jun heng, edmund, gavin, the LJB guys, 4 king guys, my class malay guys, suhail, syed, clarence,nadzim, hannah, Qin wei, terence, jeremy, roy, jeffery, the girls, amanda, shi ying, jie ying, ros, yueh li, yi lei, fatin, supiah, paulynn....
where are u guys and gals now ? all gone... i don feel as close to u guys as before.. it's not that i don want to go out with u all... u all got a life, i've got mine as well...
Someday i might just get beaten up by some gangsters on the street...
and when i try to call up these friends for help..
i'm sure they wont even give a damn bout me...
i may seem to be very cheerful...
but do u think that i'm really happy and cheerful inside ?
when i'm upset, i don want my friends to be upset over me as well...
wat can i do... who can i tell my problems to... NO-ONE...
Bendy- 8 years of friendship have passed... more to come.. after soo many years of friendship... i can tell you that nobody understands me... bendy doesnt TOTALLY understand me after such a long time..
maybe i'm just fated to be alone... maybe i should just be a hermit...
Vincent- thx bro.. for all the things you've done for me.. NPCC.. you took care of me alot... i don even think i could be a staff-sgt if i didnt mixed with u guys...
jun heng- thanks for helping me with u know wat.. u've done alot for me.. but wat have i done for u ? nothing... i feel that i have taken advantage of your kindness...
edmund- gone out with u and nick a few times, tried to be like guys, everytime be with u guys we all have fun.. sometimes i really forget all my troubles with i'm with u.. SO WAT if ppl call u the TRUMPET ? i like you that way...
Ros- i've taken advantage of ur kindness and ur trust as well.. i've got nothing else to say other den sorry... guess wat... i'm crying now cos of wat i did to you.. this is the 1st time i ever felt this way in the 16years of my life...
syed- i miss you... even though u gimme alot of attitude.... i like being with u as well...
Qin wei- where are u now ? ok i admit.. when i 1st saw u smoking at vietnam.. i tried to distance myself from you... but.. u truely are a great friend to me... u were there for me whenever i felt sad and was rejected by the rest...
Fatin- thanks for the things you've done.. even though they are just small small things.. they matter.... they make an impact... to me... to my life... HOw stopid i was when i tried to distance myself from you when i tot u had a crush on me...
The girls in my class 4b- jie ying, zheng zheng, amanda, jia wen, shi ying, shamini all the others... thx for being my friends.
NPCC friends- when i was the sec 4 squad commander... i scolded u guys... tot that it was really dumb... wat the hell.. scold my own friends ? den afta that take sec1 squad.. i tried not to be soo harsh on them... maybe thats y their standards are getting worse now...
just look at the things i wrote above.. do u even think that i'm living a happy life ?
Ppl call me spoilt, say i rich, say i got bad attitude, childish, betrayer...
u think i like ?!
it's not that i didnt try to change...
it's not ur fault... thats the real me... people see best... when it comes to judging.. u cant judge youself..
Ros.. now u come online i don even have the cheek to talk to you... sorry... i've done u wrong... i made eveything worst...
my church my spiritual life... i don even feel really at home when i'm in chruch..
i'm in no mood for anything now...
i shud just go wash my face, wipe those tears and just forget everything... but i cant......... these are the problems i hafta face...
Monday, April 25, 2005
I'm truely sorry.. i really am...
i really meant to help but.....
i didnt think that things would turn out this way...sigh... I'm sorry bout everything...
maybe i shud just get out of ur life..
and stop interfering with ur life...
i'm sorry, ros...
take care..
Saturday, April 23, 2005
erm... hi guys... very long time didnt blog le.. Sorry lots k :D at least i know that got ppl read my bloggy... went to school cos of the learning fiesta thingy.. den saw willie, jia wen, mabel.
haha... they got read my blog !! my blog has fans !! whee
haha. lame lar... kinda eventful day... not sure y also.. but i'm kinda happy and i'm kinda sad... hey.. i met a new friend from friendster sia.. lol.. she add me de...!! not mi fault ! =X her name is................ shudnt reveal larz... haha..
hmmm.... after tat went to Tm to play pool, with edmund and nic.. mongling and ching2 came to join us.. Clar couldn't mit us.. he was working den later went home to zzZzz..
after pool went to walk walk den haha...i Almost wanted to pierce.... but of kox i guai kia.... :D
hmmm.. theres something wrong with the shoutbox in my blog..i'll try to get it fixed ASAP...
to ros : sorry... just say lar.. i'm really sorry.. u'll know wat happened someday... SOMEDAY.... i really dunno how to help... =(
u gals are MISUNDASTOOD !!
-take care
Sunday, April 17, 2005
... think got something wrong with my post... lazy to retype le.. sorry !! haha...
just came back from PP..
i'm tired...
shhHhhhHhhh.
Friday, April 15, 2005
sigh.. i got no mood to blog... many things are happening... and i duno who or wat to side or to choose...
met with bendy today to go to TP. went to hand in our enrolment forms... saw a chio bu there... den she stare stare at me.. haha... SO WAT ! must be cos i too ugly or i look like a freak from outer space.. thats y she keep looking... siao char bor !
hmmmm..... afta that went to bedok inter.. met with church friends go to botanic
gardens... got lost on the way there.. and the traffic was like... argh........!!
O ya.. after the boring botanic gardens.. went to Sim lim. where i bought my new DIGI-CAM !! WOOOO !! hee... i got it at a great deal.. yea... $230... 4 mega-pixels.. cool eh... it's darn cheap... now.. i can take picts and i'll bring it everywhere i go !! yea........but 1st.. gotta learn how to use it....=P
Friends play an important part in my life.. whether how much they disagree with me or agree with me... they're still my friends...
you just gotta sit down and talk to them.. PERSONALLY and work things out... in this world.. we gotta rely on each other to live on... hope u guys get me :p
now.. i just regard Bendy as my best friend.. i tell him all my secrets.. even those that i NEVA told anybody... haha... of cox.. it isnt easy...
sometimes.. we argue, sometimes we scold each other, we got cold war b4.... it isnt easy.. but..... come to think of it.... he's been there for me all the time... since primary school, secondary school, now we're both going to SCIENCE school in TP.. count the number of years man...
i'm waiting for my appeal results... maybe i can make it into BIOTECH.. i dunno.. if i really get in... WOAH !! thats another 3 years of CLOSE friendship... hahahaha.... me and him.. share the same thoughts bout girls and some stuff lar.. haha.... me and him.. bonded in school,Np,soccer.. all those lar...hahaha
i treat bendy as a older brother also.. hmmm... cos he's more mature then me lar.. and also HE'S OLDER DEN ME !! WAHAHAH....
everytime he got prob, he might come to me.. if not he'll just keep it inside him.. thats wat i don like(thats life wat... you cant expect everyting from someone)... but den again...we'll share our troubles... everytime i got probs i surely tell him.. cos i respect him and wats more.. we're GAYS !!! hahaha.....
no lar.. bendy... very responsible all those 1 lar... he knows wat he wants in life... i love u Bro !
i'm gonna draw something now... bout my life... i just hope it'll turn out nice :D
erm.. o ya.. to Mei.. i'm really worried bout you.. i hope u are alright.. take care..
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Ahh... i don wanna care or bother about anything already....
it doesnt pay to be kinda, caring and all those stuff...
nobody listens to me anyway...
nobody cares bout my thougts..............
PISSED OFF !!!
did i just say that i'm pissed ? haha... nah... actually feeling kinda crappy...
i'm just happy that i got a very caring... erm...... girlfriend lar....
Sorry.. !!! didnt mean to say it here....BleahX !
she's somebody who i can talk to...
O... not forgeting my Mei too...
=X
-i love you
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
hmmm... before i sleep tonight......... sigh............... i also dunno wat i was thinking......... i tried to do something very wrong............. sigh..............
sorry....
i dunno lar !!! kinda fustrated... i think i'm thinking too much........ some sleep will make me forget some things........
i'm not handsome....
i'm not cute.....
i'm just normal......
a stupid ugly freak-looking person.........
i need some comfort.......... i want to confide my troubles with u...........
but somehow........ i always feel happy when i'm with you...
and cant remember any troubles...........
sigh.... night.............
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Ok.. i tot of wat i wanna say already.....
Adult life... sigh...... it's not easy at all.........
i know it..... i've been working.....
i really miss school life now..
Adult life.......
is MONEY VERY IMPORTANT IN EVERYONES LIFE !?
wat happened to love, fun, Chilling, enjoying, relaxing, friends ??
man... i don wanna grow up......
just wish i can stop growing.....
adult life is tough...
i'm afraid i cant handle it....
i prefer studying........
more friends......
able to lead a more carefree life.....
sigh... only got one thing to say...
cherish your parents and your loved ones...
they work very hard for you......
spare a thought for them.....
When they scold or nag at you......
have you guys ever thought that they have actually been in your shoes before ?
their reasons for nagging and scolding us.....
is cos they don want us to suffer in the future.....
of course.. everybody wanna enjoy life......
who don want ?
(sorry bout my broken english)
but... sadly the world is like that....
most things in the world are some how or rather related to money...
I just wanna be happy..
with the one i love...
the friends i have...
the family i have...
thats all i ask for...
money is secondary to me.....
i just wanna be happy..... and live my life... the way i want it........
i hope you guys share same thoughts as me...
-i love you
Monday, April 11, 2005
hi hi !! seems kinda long that i didnt blog already...
i'm feeling kinda... neutral today.. not soo happy not soo sad also.. haha...
just wondering.. haha...
if YOU read this... remember okayz ?... u tell me not to slouch and i make an effort not too........ even when you're not around...
i remember ur words.. n i make an effort not to slouch....
now ur turn to do something for me can ??
i don like you to sit on the escalator !!
argh...!!
haha... promise me can ?
even when i'm not around..
i don want you to sit on escalator..
find a proper seat larz....
if u read this msg me HoRz..?
haha.. like asking too much like that... but.. thats me !! =P Bleahx !
hmmm.. ros... i remember my promises ok.. i got enuf money for swensens thingy..
JH... lol.. u didnt even blog and didnt even tag my blog !! still scold me...
edmund... hmmm... nothing comes for free.. work hard for wat you want =P
Ricolar... haha.. ur comments helps me in improving my blog =D
Ahhhh... ros.......... i cant think of anything else to write.. cant write long.. lol...
hmmm... ok ok... i just found out something...
i'm Big mouth.. as in...i talk too much and sometimes say things that aren't supposed to be said..
sigh....
i know some of you are agreeing with me now that i am :O rightz ?!
i gotta control.....
......
........
..........
=X
sigh......
hahaha... difficult sia... i feel like talking and talking now...
hmmm... when i was working today..
something popped up in my stream of thoughts...
eh... wat did i think about ar ???
i cant remember !!
hmmmmmmmm...................
i cant remember... but i shall try.... soo i'll tell u guys tomolo !!
hee hee...
sorry sorry...
-i love you
Saturday, April 09, 2005
It's nice to smile....
when i get you phone call at night......
i gotta let you know...
that i feel soo weak without you........
-i love you
Friday, April 08, 2005
!@#!%&!(&#$(@#(!&@_#&_!(@&#(!
just wonder when you'll start sharing your troubles with me.....
i don even know what you're thinkin about now....
i understand you and ur character.........
but......
i cant read ppl minds................
!@#!(@%&!(&#(!@&#(!@#!@
night...
there are problems in everyones life...
you cant deny it........
it just depends on the amount of problems you create for yourself..............
some ppl can lead their lifes happily...........
but mine....... seem to be full of problems...............
i think it's cos of my character...........
i'm trying to become a better person.........
hmmmmmmmm....... these are my confessions..........
i'm not responsible........
i'm forgetful.....
i'm lazy........
i think i'm happy-go-lucky...............
but is it good or bad..........
maybe i'm just thinking too much..........
maybe cos i got too much time now..............
i'm still scared of the future........
cos i've already regretted losing something that i love alot.....
the night i lost her...............
she came to look for me in my room........
woke me up..........
but........
i was too lazy to get up.............
and even scolded her..........
3 flight of stairs she climbed...........
just to have a last look at me................
i'm sorry..........
i scolded you and chased you away..........
I PROMISE.. I'LL NEVER DO SUCH A THING TO ANYBODY AGAIN.....
I MISS YOU.........
it was my character that was at fault.........
i hate myself because of that...........
Foxy......... i miss you..................
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Wow ! i changed my blog skin.. cool eh ? i did EVERYTHING myself... including the CURSOR ! WAhahahah... jealous ?! hmm... if u guys need me to help u do a cursor just let me know... i'll make 1 for you... if i got time...
hmm.... played and slept the whole day... YEA ! feeling better and much happier... i went to collect my X-ray at 4... and even counted the number of bones i had on my chest.... i think i got 16 ? dunno how to count lar... HAhazZ
"When you love someone wholeheartedly there wont be the feeling of awkwardness when you say I LOVE YOU to him/her''
i heard this from somewhere... found it very meaningful and true... wonder if i will get to hear mine..*hint hint* =P hahahazzz
i love my new blogskin, my cursor and my song !!! woooohooo !!!! i love myself for doing this... but.... it took me the whole day... and as for the small little cursor ! it took me 1 and a half hour !!! argh.... but.. nvm.... it's sentimental.. to me..............
ok.. i think i'm going out already, going out with some church friends to play games !! hmm... wherever you are... take care.....
-i love you
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
sigh.. don know wats got into me today... sigh.... sorry if i did anything wrong..... anyways i made a poem.. here it goes.. haha... kinda lame lar !
Why am i like that..
Always looking so sad..
cant i be less sensitive?
the way things should be..
am i too talkative ?
the world don know me..
i'm afraid to lose what i have..
or should i have more faith?
i'll learn to live..
with more hope and faith
To live each day..
with a smile everyday !
©SeBaS
don copy ar ! lol... lame...... don know what i am thinkin now lar... i'll forget bout the unhappy times just as 0205 wants me too...
-i love you ;P
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
sianz... woke up Soo early to go for some X-ray thingy for poly... so ma fan(troublesome)...went to meet david to go to tamp for the X-ray.. haha.. the nurse call me go into the x-ray room.. den need to take off shirt.... ahhh !! soo pai seh ! haha... shud know i flex at her.... haha......... jokin... after that went to friend's house...den his dad fetched me and another girl to Ubin.. so it's 3 of us... msged u b4 i went to ubin.. but i didnt reply... hmmmm.... anyways... took the boat to Ubin... so nice~ den go rent some bike and begasn to cycle... haha.. really got dirty and muddy.... haha.. when i'm at Ubin i miss the times when i am at ATC sia... sigh... i'm also scared of somethings.. things that will happen in the future.... hmm. saw a dog in ubin.. sigh.. so pityful.. one of it's hind legs was broken.. and it was like sticking upwards... sooo pityful.. sigh... will i become a vet in the future ? wat will happen in the future..........?? who knows ?but i know that there are some things now that i don wanna lose, even in the future.. some things i NEVER wanna lose.... sigh......... got 1 question i was thinking bout today... is being overprotective good or bad ? plz give an ans in ur tag ok ? if u guys happen to be reading lar... good nights lar.. i'm kinda tired...
-i love you
Monday, April 04, 2005
hEE HEE... my mood now is happy =D... just came back home.. talk to sis over the phone for quite some time.. den went to eat and bath.. now i'm blogging !! ok ok.. i'll 4get bout the unhappy times k ? btw... who's 0205 ar ? hahaha..... soooooo "UNKNOWN" haha... u know who, i know who can le... thx for everything... dunno y i'm soo happy now lar... HugGy PiGgy ! i WanTx My PiLlOwSz !!!! argh !!!! hahah... so cute...... Hee hee.. got ppl say i handsome and cute leh.... so pai seh.... *sorry... i also very lame and siao now* o ya.. went to Toys R us also... haha... play all sorts of thingy there....... still can kena 'Kodok' there.... hahazz... kkz.. i go sleep le... i tired.... O..
To ros(mei Mei)-miss you also.. so long neva meet up.. today can go TM 1 den u scared become Xtra... haiyo... nvm 1 ma.. in the end only got 3 of us...... haha.. sorry....
-i love you
Sunday, April 03, 2005
got mood swing now.. thats all................ i'm gonna sleep now............................................................
$!@#.... got scolded my bro for coming home late AGAIN.... say dunno wat freedom lar... i'm still young lar... wat play punk... didnt keep my promise lar.... AH !!! FrEeDom... i don even know if i want it or don want it....
WenT to Ice Skating today.. sooo tiring... got nothing much to talk bout... not in the mood also....
feeling CraPpy.. !@#!@.. don come and make me i tell you... or else i really whack you... If i know who that person that ask the no. i'll go whack him.....
don even know how i am feeling now actually... useless ?! angry ?! hopeless ?! down ?! WTF lar.......
aklpsdgnkosndiogaenrognao[nga[ondgpanerfo[ ano[dfjohbg203ht u92b3onsdfn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y aM I THAT SCARED OF LOSING WAT I HAVE NOW !!!